The Chemo – Cycle 3

Ugh. It’s been a long, tough week. Last Monday (one week ago) I started cycle 3, and it’s been a physically and emotionally challenging week, to say the least. This cycle really brought me to my knees – it has definitely been harder than the first two cycles. I mean I knew it was going to be hard but I didn’t realize this past week would be the hardest one yet. That’s the main reason I haven’t posted in a while, I just haven’t had the energy. But today I finally feel like I’m starting to turn a corner! I feel maybe 75% myself, but not quite at 100% normal. Hopefully in the next couple days that will happen.

I’ll start with the good: Saturday before cycle 3 started Lisa’s mom, Jevne, arrived to help! She was a key reason we made it through the week and has been amazing. Jevne even watched Elliot for us on Saturday night (her first night here!) so Lisa and I could have a date night! We had a nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in North Park, The Smoking Goat. Then Jevne watched Elliot during the day throughout the week so Lisa could take me to my all day infusion appointments. Clutch.

Easter Sunday we had a few friends over for dinner to celebrate. It was nice to have a normal gathering with friends before cycle 3 started, but I was still dreading the treatment that was going to start on Monday. I made the best of our time and enjoyed the food, but I’ll admit my mind was burdened with the weight of the week to come. I’m thankful for understanding friends who are willing to walk alongside me during this time.

A few other highlights of the week:

• Monday night, our friend Philip and his mom Margie bought groceries and cooked dinner for us!
• Our friend Nicole brought us a delicious dinner on Tuesday night even though her husband Joe, was away on a work trip all week.
• My friend Jon took the day off work and drove all the way from Escondido to North Park and back to take me to infusion on Thursday so that Lisa, Elliot, and Jevne could have a fun half day at SeaWorld! Jon basically sat in traffic for me all day on Thursday, and I am so thankful for his help!
• Our friend Kristen brought us our absolute favorite Thai food on Friday night!
• Our friends Graden and Elle came over and cooked us dinner on Saturday night!
• Our friend Olivia brought fantastic, deconstructed sweet potato tacos over for dinner Sunday night!
• Several people from our North Park community group showed up for us in ways that we seriously can’t even wrap our heads around this week. You know who you are and you are incredible!
• Our friend Adam Bartels happens to know Tyler Trent’s parents, so he shared my Purdue blog post with them and they graciously sent me a copy of Tyler’s new book! I started reading it at the beginning of last week when I still had energy and love it so far!

There’s a lot to be thankful for here. The support we have been shown recently has been astounding and we couldn’t have made it this far without all your help.

Now onto some of the bad for the week. The veins in my arms are completely jacked up by the chemo drugs. The chemo has bruised the main veins on my inner forearms (yes veins do bruise and yes they hurt) and made it impossible for the nurses to start a new IV on any of those veins. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I HATE GETTING THE IV. It’s the worst part of each visit. I’m so stressed that the nurse won’t get it right and they will have to make multiple attempts to get a good IV (which has happened before). Thankfully, I had an amazing nurse that found an invisible vein on the top of my arm and started a good IV on Monday. I saved that IV for Tuesday (kept it overnight, which also sucks pretty bad but only slightly less than getting a new IV) and then got a new IV on Wednesday. The same nurse as Monday found the same invisible vein on the top of my right arm (previously it was the left arm) and successfully started my IV! Yeah that was a real stressor for me, but glad I made it through the week okay with the IVs. My arms look terrible now, but the worst is over.

Finally, I have just been super drained of energy this cycle. I feel like the chemo hit me harder this time. I’ve been zapped of energy and it really takes a toll on me both physically and emotionally. By Wednesday I’m basically reduced to a vegetable. All I can do is just sit around and space out. Everything takes an enormous amount of energy, even thinking, reading, and eating. As someone who spends a lot of time inside my head, you can imagine how horrible this is for me. To not even be able to think straight or read is very taxing and makes me really sad. So I just sit, and sit, and sit, and sit, …

Until finally I wake up with a bit more energy like today. Thankfully.

This week has been hard on our entire family. Lisa has had a lot of work to take care of with two busy projects going on, all while juggling Elliot duties and my daily infusion visits. There’s also the emotional component she’s been dealing with of seeing me sad and without energy and not being able to do anything about it which I know isn’t easy. She has been INCREDIBLE and is my ROCK!

BABY STEPS. I can make it through today. Tomorrow I’ll be a little better, and a bit better the day after that. Baby steps. Less than two weeks to go with cycle 3!

-B